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Monday 9 January 2012

THE GREY MATTER



 I don't think I have many grey hairs. And the few that I do have are lovingly, cunningly, expensively, time-consumingly disguised by Sibi at my hairdressers. Yet every time I wear a black or navy sweater they seem to come forth and multiply. My shoulders are always the proud owners of at least five pure white strands of hair that seems to have fallen off someone else's head. It's the weirdest thing. It's as though mysterious forces have carefully plucked these neon white strangers off my head and deposited them like badges of honour on my shoulders. Anyone else noticed this? Is this where grey hairs are laid to rest? Black and blue are becoming the new, unwanted grey....

Friday 6 January 2012

FINAL RESOLUTIONS

Just to be both perverse and practical, I'm doing my New Year Resolutions upside down. I'm taking stock of all the things I DON'T want to do in 2012- as opposed to being sanctimonious and listing targets I want to achieve. So this year I am:
1. Never going to speak to electronic voices on the end of the telephone; I'm only going to converse with real people. This will stop me getting frustrated and furious.
2. I'm not going to get excited, pretend to be excited or get involved with the Olympics. I hate them.
3. I'm going to be totally honest about the fact I love watching mindless TV shows called things like "Nanny 911" or " The 75 Stone Woman". They switch my mind off and are a strange form of relaxation.
4. I'm going to continue drinking through January and enjoy it. I don't drink nearly enough to be voluntarily dry for a month.
5. I'm going to accept the fact I need very little sleep and just meet other insomniacs for breakfast.
6. I'm going to eat more chocolate as it makes me happy.
7. I'm going to try to do things that enhance my life ( no matter how big or small) and stop bothering with the small.
I'm also not going to feel guilty about any of the above. Onwards and upwards 2012. Bring it on.